Violence against women: finding the words, and the right people to tell
Getting through hard times · Équipe Viatous · 4 min
There's often a moment when you tell yourself: "Maybe it's not that bad." Or: "Nobody will believe me." Or: "It's my fault." If those words sound familiar, know this first: so many women feel exactly the same, and you are not the problem.
According to France's Ministry of the Interior (SSMSI) , around 285,000 victims of intimate partner violence were recorded by police and gendarmerie in 2025, 84% of them women. And that's only part of the picture: according to the national victimisation survey, only 13% of victims file a complaint. Many stay silent. Not because it isn't serious, but because speaking up is one of the hardest things there is.
Why it's so hard to talk about
Hesitating is completely understandable. The reasons are many, and all of them valid:
Fear : of reactions, of consequences, of not being safe.
Shame , even though the shame belongs to the person causing harm.
Doubt : "Am I overreacting?"
Ties : children, a home, money, and feelings too.
Isolation : when you've slowly lost touch with friends and family, you no longer know who to turn to.
There's no "right time" or "right way" to talk about it. There's your pace.
It's not your fault
It also needs saying plainly: violence isn't only physical. The French government site Service-Public points out that violence in a couple can also be psychological (belittling remarks, insults, threats), economic (total control over money, being deprived of resources) or sexual. None of it is deserved, whatever you said or did.
The right people to turn to in France
To be heard and advised : 3919 , Violences Femmes Info. Free, anonymous, 24/7, and it doesn't show up on phone bills. Trained listeners give you information and point you to help, without pushing you into anything.
If you're in danger : 17 or 112 . If you can't speak, text 114 .
To talk to the police or gendarmerie without going in : an online reporting service, reachable from arretonslesviolences.gouv.fr . A report isn't a formal complaint, but it lets you get advice.
For help with next steps : 116 006 from France Victimes, free, 7 days a week.
Your doctor can also listen and point you in the right direction.
Outside France, contact the emergency services or a domestic violence helpline in your country. If you're worried your phone or messages are being monitored, the 3919 team can help you think through how to stay safe.
Start with someone you trust
Sometimes the first step isn't a number but a face: a friend, a sister, a colleague. Saying "something is going on at home" out loud for the first time often changes a lot. You realise you're believed, and that you're not alone.
And if a friend confides in you: listen, believe her, don't judge, don't pressure her to leave. Give her the 3919 number, and stay close.
Viatous: a first space to find the words, among women
For some women, it's easier to speak first with other women who've been through something similar. On Viatous, you could write, for example: "Talk with other women about what I went through in my relationship, to find the courage to call 3919." Viatous then looks for a small group of 2 to 4 people, and you can choose "Women" under "Who with?" in this Room's preferences (based on the gender each member declares). If your sentence suggests you're in danger, Viatous doesn't form a group and points you straight to emergency help.
Support Rooms are for adults 18 and over; for a personal difficulty, the frame is reinforced: Roomi, the Viatous robot, goes over the rules, gives each person their turn and shares help resources. You appear with your first name (and your photo only if you've added one), the camera is optional, and you can mute your mic or leave the Room at any time.
To be clear: Viatous doesn't replace 3919, the police or a professional. It isn't an emergency service, or a way to report a crime or file a complaint. It's a place to find the words, feel less alone, and gather the strength to reach out to the right people. Sometimes it all starts with a single sentence, said to someone who understands. To see how Viatous protects its members, read our Safety page.
Numbers to keep close
Immediate danger in France: call 17 (police) or 112 . If you can't speak, text 114 . Outside France, contact the emergency services in your country.
Violence against women in France: 3919 , free, anonymous, 24/7; the call doesn't show up on phone bills. Information and online reporting: arretonslesviolences.gouv.fr .
Victims of any kind of violence in France: 116 006 ( France Victimes ), free, 7 days a week.
Suicidal thoughts or deep distress, for you or someone close to you: 3114 in France, free, 24/7 ( 3114.fr ).