New city, nobody to call: how to find your people, one step at a time
Loneliness & connection · Équipe Viatous · 4 min
The boxes are finally unpacked. You know where the bakery is and you’ve got your morning commute down. Then Friday night comes, you scroll through your phone, and it hits you: every one of those numbers belongs to someone hundreds of miles away.
Arriving in a city where you don’t know anyone is a strange mix of freedom and emptiness. Anything is possible, and nobody is waiting for you. The good news is that finding your place is a skill you can learn. It takes a bit of time, less than you might think, and it happens in stages.
First, be patient: friendship is measured in hours
Researcher Jeffrey Hall, at the University of Kansas, surveyed adults who had recently moved and were looking for new friends. His findings: it takes about 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends ( University of Kansas, 2018 ).
In other words, if you haven’t found a best friend after a month, you’re fine. You’re not behind: you’re clocking up hours. What matters is creating lots of chances to see the same people again.
The first weeks: become a familiar face
Before you look for friends, the city needs to start recognising you. It’s less daunting than it sounds.
Build routines. The same café on Saturday mornings, the same market, the same gym. People start to recognise you, then to talk to you.
Say hello to your neighbours. The WHO lists greeting a neighbour among the small everyday actions that strengthen social connection ( WHO, 2025 ).
Explore on foot. You’ll spot where people gather: the library, a community garden, a bookshop that hosts events, a board game café.
Chat with local shopkeepers. In France, the Fondation de France found that 23% of people in large cities had talked about personal matters with shopkeepers in their neighbourhood over the past year ( Fondation de France, 2026 ). The cheese seller who asks how you’re doing? That counts.
Next: find meetups that come back around
A one-off evening rarely creates a friendship. A weekly one often does, because that’s where the hours add up. Look for activities that repeat:
a team sport or running club;
a choir, an amateur theatre group, a writing workshop;
volunteering with a local organisation;
a course (language, cooking, pottery) that runs all term.
The Fondation de France describes community organisations as real pivots of social life for people who are alone. You see the same faces again and again, and bonds form almost without you noticing.
Turn a meeting into a connection
This is the step many people miss. You had a good time with someone, you laughed, and then everyone heads off their own way. Don’t let it slip.
Suggest a specific second meetup. Not “let’s do something sometime”, but “I’m going to the flea market on Sunday, want to come?”
Be the one who suggests things. Other people are often waiting for someone else to make the first move too.
Say yes to invitations , even when you’re a bit tired. In the first months, every yes counts.
Traps to avoid
Spending every evening on video calls with old friends. Keep in touch, of course, but leave room for your new life.
Waiting until you’re “settled” to go out. The first months are exactly when everyone understands you’re looking to meet people. Make the most of being the newcomer.
Comparing yourself. Nobody built their circle in three weeks.
Look after yourself through the transition
The first months can be harder than expected, even when the move was a happy choice. That’s normal: you lost all your bearings at once. A few habits help you through:
Keep a regular slot with the people you love , like a Sunday evening call. An anchor point, without it taking over.
Notice the small wins. A name remembered, a chat at the market, an invitation accepted: that’s real progress.
Go easy on yourself. One night on the sofa doesn’t undo anything. What matters is the trend over several weeks.
Your first people, starting this week
The hardest part at the start is knowing where to find people who are free and up for something. That’s what Viatous does: you write what you feel like doing, and Viatous looks for compatible people to form a Room of 2 to 4 people, in person or online.
Picture it: tonight you simply type, “I’ve just moved to Lyon and I’m looking for two or three people to explore a neighbourhood on foot on Saturday morning.” And on Saturday, instead of wandering alone, you’re walking alongside people who are discovering the city too.
Roomi, the Viatous robot, welcomes the group, walks everyone through the steps and hosts the moment. You come with your first name, and you can leave the Room whenever you like. If you want to meet again, the Room can become a Circle , but only if everyone agrees. Your first hours toward a real friendship have just started ticking.
Discover the activities you can start near you .