Caring for someone who's ill: and who's looking after you?
Getting through hard times · Équipe Viatous · 4 min
You juggle medical appointments, medication, your job and the rest of the family. You say "I'm fine" when people ask. And at night, on your own, you wonder how long you can keep going. If you're looking after someone who is ill, elderly or disabled, you're what's called a carer. And you're far from alone.
According to France's statistics service DREES (2023) , 9.3 million people in France say they regularly help a loved one with a disability or loss of independence, roughly one adult in six. The most common form of help? Emotional support, given by 6.4 million people.
You're allowed to be tired
Being a carer often means forgetting yourself a little. When you help someone you love, it can feel like you have no right to complain. "He's the one who's ill, not me." Yet your tiredness, your worry, sometimes your anger or sadness are all valid. Acknowledging them doesn't mean you love any less. It gives you what you need to keep going.
Sometimes the relationship itself changes: your father becomes the person you look after, your partner also becomes a patient. That shift in roles is unsettling, and it deserves to be talked about as much as the illness.
A few signs show it's time to get help: you've been sleeping badly for a long time, you have no time left for yourself, you've stopped seeing friends, you feel drained. If so, talk to your GP, about you this time.
Ask for practical help
Nobody can carry everything alone. A few ideas:
Share tasks with family or friends, even small ones: some shopping, a lift, a visit.
Find out about support : in France, Ma Boussole Aidants helps you understand the paperwork and find services near you.
If you're an employee in France , carer's leave (congé de proche aidant) lets you pause work to look after a relative who is disabled, elderly or losing independence. Conditions are on Service-Public.
Patient associations linked to your loved one's illness often offer information and groups for families.
Outside France, look for carers' organisations in your country: many offer similar help.
Keep some space for yourself
It may sound impossible, even selfish. Yet it's what lets you keep going. Even a little:
One moment for yourself every week , booked in your diary like a medical appointment.
An activity that has nothing to do with the illness : walking, singing, painting, seeing a friend.
The right to say no to some requests, without guilt.
Talking with other carers
And then there's what no paperwork can replace: talking with people living the same thing. They understand without explanations: the guilt of taking a break, the sleepless nights, the fear of what's ahead. And they sometimes have very practical tips.
You don't have to tell everything. Saying "this week was hard" and hearing "I know" is sometimes enough to leave a little lighter. And listening to others reminds you that you're not the only one with doubts, or the only one holding on.
Viatous: time with other carers, without leaving home
On Viatous, you could write, for example: "Talk with other people caring for a parent with Alzheimer's." Viatous creates a support Room: a small group of 2 to 4 people going through something similar. You can join online, from home, without having to find someone to cover for you.
Roomi, the Viatous robot, welcomes the group, goes over the rules and gives everyone their turn. You show up with your first name, the camera is optional, and you can leave the Room at any time if your loved one needs you. Support Rooms on sensitive topics are for adults 18 and over, with a reinforced frame.
If the group wants, the Room can become a Circle that meets regularly. Viatous doesn't replace health professionals or carer support services: it's a space to catch your breath among peers. A moment with other carers, from home, saying "this week was hard" and hearing "I know": sometimes that's what gets you through the next one. See how it works .
If you're at the end of your rope
Immediate danger in France: call 17 (police) or 112 . If you can't speak, text 114 . Outside France, contact the emergency services in your country.
Suicidal thoughts or deep distress, for you or someone close to you: 3114 in France, free, 24/7 ( 3114.fr ).
For ongoing support: your GP, a psychologist, or France's Mon soutien psy scheme (up to 12 sessions a year with a partner psychologist, reimbursed by the national health insurance).