Grief: when everyone else moves on and the sadness stays
Getting through hard times · Équipe Viatous · 4 min
At first, the phone never stops ringing. People leave meals on your doorstep and ask how you're holding up. Then, quietly, everyone else's life picks up again. And you're left with an absence that fills the whole room, and a feeling that you should be "doing better" by now.
If that's where you are, you're not alone. According to the French research centre Crédoc's 2025 survey on grief , 89% of people in France have lived through a death that affected them deeply, and half of bereaved people describe a deep sense of isolation.
Grief doesn't follow a timetable
You sometimes hear that grief "lasts a year" or moves through neat stages. In reality, everyone goes through it differently. The same Crédoc survey found that 37% of people who lost someone five or more years ago still consider themselves grieving.
That doesn't mean the pain stays frozen. It changes shape. It comes back in waves: a birthday, a song, a small everyday habit. Those waves aren't a step backwards. They're part of the road.
Why grief can feel so lonely
Often, it isn't indifference: the people around you simply don't know what to say. Some are afraid of upsetting you by saying the name of the person who died. Others think they're helping by changing the subject. And you don't dare bring it up, so you don't "bring the mood down".
The result: a long, polite silence, even though plenty of people on both sides would like to talk.
What can help, day to day
Say what you need. People can't guess. "You can talk to me about her, it helps" can change everything.
Accept practical help. A meal, some shopping, a bit of paperwork: it matters when your energy is gone.
Stay connected to the person you lost. Write, look at photos, cook their favourite recipe. There's no right or wrong way to remember.
Look after the basics. Sleep, eat, get a little daylight, even when you don't feel like it.
Allow yourself good moments. Laughing or enjoying an evening doesn't betray anyone.
When to get professional support
Grief isn't an illness. But sometimes it weighs too heavily for too long: when daily life becomes impossible, when nothing has felt meaningful for months, or when dark thoughts appear. Then, talking to your GP or a psychologist is real help, not a sign of failure. In France, the Mon soutien psy scheme covers up to 12 sessions a year with a partner psychologist.
If you're having suicidal thoughts, or you've lost someone to suicide, 3114 is there in France, day and night.
Talking with people who understand
And then there's what happens when you talk to someone who has lost someone too. You don't need to explain, or to protect them. You can say "it's been two years and it's still this hard" without seeing discomfort on their face.
That's what a support Room on Viatous offers. You simply write, for example: "Talk about losing my mum with other people who've lost a parent." Viatous puts together a small group of 2 to 4 people going through something similar.
Roomi, the Viatous robot, welcomes the group, goes over the rules and gently gives everyone their turn to speak. You can talk or just listen. You show up with your first name, the camera is optional, and you can leave the Room at any time. Grief Rooms are for adults 18 and over, with stronger moderation and help resources.
It isn't therapy, and it doesn't replace a professional. It's a place where you can finally say their name out loud, to people who know what that costs. If the group wants, the Room can then become a Circle that keeps meeting. Find out more on How it works and Safety .
If the grief feels too heavy
Immediate danger in France: call 17 (police) or 112 . If you can't speak, text 114 . Outside France, contact the emergency services in your country.
Suicidal thoughts or deep distress, for you or someone close to you: 3114 in France, free, 24/7 ( 3114.fr ).
For ongoing support: your GP, a psychologist, or France's Mon soutien psy scheme (up to 12 sessions a year with a partner psychologist, reimbursed by the national health insurance).