Surrounded by neighbors, alone at dinner: how to build real connections
Student life · Équipe Viatous · 4 min
You live in a dorm with 200 rooms. Every day, you pass dozens of people: in the hallway, the laundry room, by the elevator that never comes. You say hi, they say hi back. And yet, when evening comes, you eat dinner alone in front of your laptop, listening to laughter drifting through the wall.
Being surrounded and still feeling alone: it's one of the most student of all paradoxes. And the numbers back it up.
According to the Solitudes 2024 study by the Fondation de France and CRÉDOC , only 7% of under-25s in France are socially isolated, meaning they have almost no relationships. But 27% say they feel lonely every day or almost, or often. The study notes there's no clear link, among young people, between being surrounded and feeling lonely. In other words, having people around isn't enough. What matters is the quality of the connection. And the good news is, that can be built.
In a shared flat: from roommates to real friends
Sharing an apartment doesn't magically produce a friendship. Some flatshares feel more like a hotel than a home: everyone in their own room, conversations limited to bills and dishes. To shake things up:
Start a ritual. One shared meal a week, always the same night. Dead simple, and remarkably effective.
Set the rules early. Cleaning, noise, guests: settling touchy topics calmly at the start leaves plenty of room for the good times.
Offer, don't impose. "I'm making soup tonight, there's enough for everyone" beats a mandatory evening.
Respect the need for quiet. Some roommates need alone time after a long day. It isn't rejection.
In a student residence: break the ice in the hallway
A residence has one huge advantage: dozens of people in the same situation as you, a few steps away. You just have to open the door.
Use the shared spaces. Shared kitchen, study room, laundry room: hanging out there a little multiplies your chances of a conversation.
Post an invitation. A note on the board or in the residence group chat: "Pancake night Thursday, 2nd-floor kitchen, bring a topping." The number of replies may well surprise you.
Remember names. Greeting someone by their first name changes everything. Write them down if you need to; nobody will know.
Ask a small favor. Borrowing a pan or asking for a good spot in the neighborhood often opens a real conversation.
On campus: break the "class, then home" routine
When you don't live on site, campus quickly becomes a place you just pass through: arrive for class, leave right after. To build connections there:
Stay an extra hour once a week: lunch in the cafeteria, work in the library.
Join a club , even for just one activity. Connection grows through repetition.
Suggest a group project to classmates you don't know yet. The perfect excuse.
The secret: regularity over intensity
A big party with thirty people rarely creates friendships. What does is simple moments, with the same people, repeated over time: Thursday dinner, Tuesday study session, Sunday run. Don't try to meet everyone. Try to see a few people again.
And be patient with yourself. It often takes several meetings before a conversation flows naturally. At first, you talk about classes, the neighborhood, the weather. That's normal, even necessary: trust is built on those slightly ordinary exchanges. Then one day, without noticing, you're telling your week to someone who was just a hallway neighbor three months earlier.
Build your small group with Viatous
Sometimes the right people aren't on your floor. Or they are, but nobody dares to make the first move. On Viatous , you write what you want to do, for example: "Looking for 2 or 3 people near campus to cook together on Thursday evenings."
Viatous understands what you're after and creates a Room : a small group of 2 to 4 compatible people, online or in person. Roomi, the Viatous robot, welcomes the group, walks everyone through the steps, reminds you of the rules and hosts the activity, so nobody has to play organizer. You show up with your first name and can leave the Room at any time. Meeting in person? Read our safety tips .
And if it works, the Room can become a Circle , that small group that meets every week, only if everyone wants to. Exactly the kind of regularity that turns neighbors into friends. The free plan includes one completed Room per week and one active Circle, no credit card needed. See how it works .
Think back to that dinner in front of the laptop, the laughter through the wall. Some Thursday soon, that laughter could be yours, around a shared pot of something warm.